Saturday, 25 February 2012

Bluewaters, Cottesloe

Coogee to Cottesloe, 13.1 km. 1hr 30min, 8.8 km/h

Westy paddles in like a pro. Unlike his paddling companion...
Organising one-way paddles is a shitfight. You need even numbers, and everyone needs to bring their car and everyone needs to paddle the whole way. We've learnt this through many previous attempts with an odd number of paddlers, yet we still have the same issue time and time again.

So late last night when those strict criteria weren't met, and all sorts of angst was being created, I threw my toys out of the cot and cancelled the paddle. Only to call Westy shortly afterwards and put it back on for the two of us who were keen to do the whole thing and had a car available each. Deadset, I really am turning into a grumpy old man as my month of abstinence/beer celibacy nears its end and the dreaded Manflu sets in. Mrs Blue rightly said that she would be calling the Tantrum Police, who, like the Noise Police, occasionally call by the house via surreptitious use of the intercom when the tin lids are out of control.

This morning's paddle coincided with the annual Rottnest Shark Feeding...errr..Swim. There were shedloads of boats, kayaks, skis and a brace of nutcases who think that swimming 19km to Rottnest Island is an enjoyable Saturday activity. Seriously - that's why there's a ferry you bunch of tightarses! It was a pretty awesome spectacle as they moved off from the beach, and we lingered for a minute after shuffling the boats onto one car just long enough to take it in.

The wounded antelope at the back of the pack was looking nervous...

When we put in a Coogee (that's KOO-JEE for my East Coast mates, and doesn't sound anything like the Sydney beachside suburb that I used to live in) the wind was a very light Sou'-easter and the water as flat as Julia's approval rating. We'd only been out for about 15 minutes when we were surrounded by a large pod of dolphins just outside the Port Coogee canals. It was pretty awesome I must say. 

There was only really one topic of conversation going on - the complete debacle formerly known as the Australian Labor Party. I have to admit, I have been giggling like a schoolgirl at the self-destruction of this bunch of retards and every day has been making me laugh longer and harder.  My favorite has been the Muppets poster right...but seriously, shouldn't this embarrassment to Australia end by the GG dissolving both houses and having a general election? Windsor, Wilkie and Oakeshott - start familiarising yourselves with Centrelink. Just ask Julia or Kevin where it is...

We were making a good pace by then, clocking a steady 9.5km/h by the trusty Garmin and kept it up until we passed the river mouth, having ridden a light swell most of the way and rested for a sum total of 8 seconds. The idea was to follow the shore close-in to the beach, but up until the river mouth washing machine it have been mirror-flat so we had paddled a direct line for North Mole, way off shore most of the way.

Once we rounded North Mole the washing machine stopped but we slowed with the distance to 8.5km/h. Unlike my outing to the Rockingham grain terminal last Tuesday where the ticker ramped up to 180 beats per minute for near on 15 minutes, I managed to avoid the defibrillator being paddled over with a steady 140 bpm pace.

I always enjoy the Port Beach to Beach St groyne part of a paddle up this way. It's spectacular. The fact that there was is nice swelling taking us in to the groyne made it even better. What didn't make it better was absolutely fluffing the run in on the wave  and painfully getting dumped by a wave the little tacker could have ridden. And, as they say, there is nothing worse than a pain in the Groyne.

Which reminds me of something I heard on the radio yesterday. Female radio presenter has a segment asking listeners to give her an idea of how bad being hit in the Jatz crackers is. 'Like childbirth', one male listener says, only to be lambasted by the next two female listeners, because apparently NOTHING is worse than childbirth. After some to-ing and fro-ing including a comparison of having a shipping container dropped on your arm and wriggling the stump around for a bit, it comes to a finale. 'Nothing?', says the final (male) listener, 'then why do women want more than one child and why don't I know a single male who wants to be kicked in the nuts again?'. Well said, that man.

Bluewaters, 110 Marine Pde, Cottesloe, (08) 9385 3130,

I confess. I like Bluewaters. We've been here for breakfast a couple of times and the scenery, both inside and out, is tops. The menu has a couple of interesting items, they do table service and don't mind splitting the bill. They have paintings for sale that normal humans would buy. The waitstaff are attentive and friendly.

Miss Piggy was shy.
So Bluewaters it was. The sky was becoming overcast as we took an outside table, and the waitress pounced like Susan Boyle on a Krispy Kreme. Coffee was upon us like the barista (that's wankish for 'coffee maker') had known we were coming. A little too milky and lukewarm, I thought but gladly drank it anyway. We ordered, and just as quick as the coffee had appeared, so did our breakfast. Westy had gone the Pancakes with Banana, Bacon and Maple Syrup ($17.50) and I went the Scrambled Eggs with Crab and Chilli on Ciabatta ($18.50). As I surveyed Westys choice I was immediately struck with breakfast envy, but then we both realised that there was something crucially awry with his stack-of-three pancakes - the amount of bacon was inversely proportional to the impressive pancakes! And at $7 for a side of bacon that we guessed would be as slim pickings as what was on the plate, the halo over this dish quickly dissipated. Westy though his breakfast very nice but seriously Bluewaters - don't skimp on Miss Piggy. It's not smart and it's not clever. The maple syrup appeared in short supply as well - Manu would not be pleased. On the plus side, the pancakes looked fluffy and thick. And, as I said, there were three.

I've got crabs. Honestly, I can explain...
My Scrambled Eggs with Crab and Chilli was pretty good. I liked the flavour combo, the ciabatta was nicely toasted, and as far as crustaceans go I am a lazy diner. Any time I can have crab or lobster without cracking it and painstakingly scooping out the little meat there is, I'm happy. The eggs were creamy but again, lukewarm. How could it have come out so quickly, but with the eggs lukewarm? Well, I think there is only one answer to that. The amount was just right though, and I did enjoy my breakfast.

I would really like to come here for a long swilly lunch one day. When I am drinking again. In 5 days. Perhaps Mrs Blue won't have to call the Tantrum Police the night before a paddle then...

Bluewaters, Cottesloe - 6.5/10. An extra point when more porcine product appears in a serving! Bluewaters Cottesloe on Urbanspoon


  1. Apologies for multiple use of 'pretty awesome'...I've been told a million times not to exaggerate.

  2. Logistics, tantrums and sulking aside - one way down wind is worth the effort. A great morning! Will need to publish GBF oporder well in advance next time.

  3. Blue, the quality of your blog gets better every week and I love catch up on your latest aquatic exploits . Having swam (Duo) in this years Rotto Shark Feeding I can (almost) say that the beers at the other side were worth 6 1/2 hours swimming across the channel. Cheers Simon